How do tortoises “get it on”?

Ever wonder how turtles and tortoises “get it on”?  You’d think they were cursed by anatomy, but yes, they do mate – there’s no “you lay the eggs and I’ll come along after and fertilize them.”

Animal Planet’s probably all “been there, done that” but on a recent trip to Madagascar I heard the strangest sound coming from a nearby riverbed.  When I rounded the bend I discovered the craaaazy sex scene below:

Known as the “radiated tortoise, you can tell the male from the female by a unique feature that helps facilitate tortoise procreation.  The underside of the shell of these male tortoises has a distinct concavity to accommodate the decidedly convex nature of the female’s backside.  Incidentally, the underside is called the “plastron” while the top is called the “carapace.”  I know – there’s no end to fascinating facts on this website.

As it turns out, what you’re seeing in the video above is a very good thing – in a number of ways.  It turns out that the radiated tortoise of Madagascar is likely to be extinct 20 years from now.  Why?  Political instability on Madagascar has made it much easier to poach the radiated tortoise and a number of other species, to the point that they are in danger of disappearing forever.  And it’s not like rhino horns or other natural products that fetch thousands on the black market – a radiated tortoise will net a poacher  – wait for it – fifty bucks.

Anyway, now you know how these ancient reptiles do the nasty.  But don’t assume this applies to all turtles and tortoises.  This species, which lacks the concave plastron, has to employ a different lovemaking technique.  I don’t know about you, but to me it seems so….I don’t know, impersonal this way:

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